Saturday, August 25, 2007

Thinking of you...

Tyler, I think of you every day. I think of you when I wake up and when I go to sleep, I think of you all through the day. I miss you so much. I just started back to work this week and I feel blessed to be able to share stories and memories of you with others. I friend at work is going through infertility treatments and as we talked I told her about you. We talked about how expensive the cost of in-vitro is (which is what daddy and I did to become pregnant with you!) I told her that money is no object when it comes to you! I told her that even though you are not here on earth with us now that just being able to see you and hold you nad have you grow inside of me was worth all the money in the world. I would never do anything to take back the time we had together. I also told her that you will ALWAYS be my son, and one day we will be together again in heaven. Her and I both talked and cried together. It felt good to share you with someone who didn't really know you yet.

I also had a sad moment at work. I was talking back to my classroom after taking my students to lunch when I saw a bulletin board that was Rodeo themed. It said in big letters in the middle, "Welcome Back Buckaroo's!" I saw it and fell apart, tears began to fall as I walked the rest of the way to my classroom. I walked in and just cried. Your daddy and I always say that you are daddy's little "buckaroo" and I felt so sad when I thought that I would never get to welcome you to school and watch you grow up and move onto the new grade each year. I wont get to have you at school with me and pick out the very best teachers for you and see your perfect little face in the hallway. I miss you so much Tyler and I wish more than anything that you could be here with me to spend your whole life. I love you.

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