Visiting Tyler

Just a quick post, we went to visit Tyler today and brought him new flowers. I love these flowers Tyler's Aunt Kelli gave them to us to put at the cemetary and I love them, they are so bright and summery! While there it was so funny we were arranging the flowers and our of nowhere this adorable little frog jumped right on the cross on Tyler's marker, then he stayed a bit jumped into the grass and jumped back on the marker! How cute! I of course had to take a few pics of him! I think it was Tyler's way of saying hey! and giving me a vision of him running around Heaven chasing little tree frogs and doing all the "little boy" things! Just wish that I could be there to do it with him. I would love doing all the fun getting in the dirt boy stuff!

Laundry, laundry, laundry!

Ok so I seriously think that my laundry reproduces itself! How is it that we always have soooo much laundry? I know as my mom would say, "Well, I you just keep up with it by doing a little at a time..." I wish I was more organized like my mom! So today will pretty much be dedicated to doing laundry and hanging clothes! We are getting ready to go on vacation in a few days to Atlanta and I wanted to try and get everything in my garage washed so I can start packing early and not at the last minute like I usually do. Then in a little while Maddy and I are going to go to the store to get some groceries and get some new flowers to take to Tyler. So that's my day! Better get started!

Just a ride

Today was a long day, Maddy was up last night until about 3am and then didn't take much of a nap this afternoon either leaving her and I both exhausted. When Matt got home from work we decided to go for a drive to pick up Arby's for dinner. I love the drive to the Arby's because it's across this pretty bridge and just nice, on the way Matt asked if I wanted to drive around to the boat docks, and where the shrimping boats and stuff are on the way home. I said sure so after we picked up our food we went for a drive in the rain while eating in the car.

We went past the Jetty's, shrimping boats, and went to the boat dock and showed Maddy all the seagulls. While driving around Matt told me stories about things he used to do when he would come down here with his Gramps. Then we drove to the lighthouse and beside this Matt showed me a place that you can go and watch the Navy Helicopters taking off. Then he quietly said, "This is where I would come sometimes after we lost Tyler." I was surprised. I never knew that he did this. Then he said that yeah he would come here sometimes by himself and just sit. It broke my heart to hear this, and all the memories of those days came rushing back. I felt a little guily that I didn't know that he had done this... I guess that I was just so caught up in my grief that maybe I should have worried about him more. Matt has always been my rock. The early days after we lost Tyler, he was the only thing that kept me going day after day when I wanted to just die and be with my little boy. I dont know what I would do without him. I so wish that he could have his little boy here with him to do all the things that dad's do with their sons. It just makes me so sad.

As we left and started driving back home I was looking out the window lost in my thoughts when I saw a beautiful rainbow across the water! I showed Matt and told him that he had to turn around so I could get out and get a picture! I told him that this was a sign from Tyler telling him that he was thinking about him too... sometimes "just a ride" is so nice.

Ginnie Springs Disaster trip!!!

Ok so I am cheating, I am not actually going to write the whole story out again since Rebekah already wrote it out on her site so here it goes! I will add my details in blue! = )

Ginnie Springs
July 6, 2009

So we went to Ginnie Springs today just the girls and we were SO excited...well some of us anyways (I wasn't too excited because I was scared from the beginning about going down the river with a 16 month old!). We had bought our blow up boats packed all of our things and headed down at 7:00 am for a day of swimming and floating, but when we got there everything started on a downward spiral. Right as we were putting the boat/rafts (these thing were not the sturdiest) in the THUNDER started and I am not talking about far off in the distance, it sounded like it was right on top of us. At this point I said let's just swim around in the Springs and not go down the river. So after about 30 minutes of re situating to get into the boats safely we started off. We being 4 mommy's and 6 kids...4 of them were 3 years or younger and 2-9 year olds that are most of the time more difficult than the babies. Anyways we made it into the water and started floating...well tried to float but Alexa was mad paddling to keep us in the middle.

About 5 minutes into our trek it started to rain and then pour. As we looked out some of the women (not naming any names) me and Alexa! were starting to get a little bit nervous....ok maybe a lot. Then out of the corner of my eye I saw something that I was sure was an alligator head...it wasn't of course but that started the major panicking...esp from the 9 year old boys that by this point were crying hysterically and screaming for help from the nearby people camping who probably all thought we were crazy. What a sight! So we get to the first turnoff and cannot get off...it was too far and there was no way we could steer our entourage off that fast so we made our minds up we were getting off at the next spring.

As we are waiting to get to the next Spring Alexa starts freaking out because she was afraid that the rafts were going to fill up from the rain pouring down and we were going to drown! She starts freaking out saying, "I'm getting out, I'm getting out right here, Let me out!" Rebekah was like "Alexa we are in the middle of the river you cant get out now you have to wait until we get to a Spring. The whole time I am sitting there just praying that we get to the next Spring quick so we can get out!!!! The next thing you know our rafts (which were all tied together) started floating into the green swampy area- you know the kind with the nasty mossy stuff where the alligators live. And we all freaked out! We were screaming all trying to paddle away from it but it seemed like we were just going in a small circle getting deeper into it! I closed me eyes and thought to myself If a gator pops out of this water we are in real trouble!!!!!! Will and Nigel and screaming and balling their eyes out and Will about flipped out of his raft screamed to us help us help us!!! Finally we got into the middle of the river again.

Well the next spring came and it seemed like we were going to pass it again...but then Alexa and Jeanna decided to hand off all the kids and make a mad paddling effort which paid off. We made it to the springs and out of the alligator land. What a wild ride. The boys did not stop crying until we were out of the water onto dry land. By the end of the ride we had 5 crying kids and Maddy peacefully sleeping until the very end when she woke up smiling away oblivious of what just happened and 4 women who I think were crying inside...and vowed never again until we got about 2 hours away and Alexa decided maybe she would take another crack at it at Itchatucknee with my family. I'm not so sure about that though.

When we got home Josh wanted to tell everyone about his journey. When Eddie and my mom asked him about his trip he told them this...He said he saw an alligatorlog and turtles on sticks....and that Nijel crazy and Will crazy. How funny.

Just one of many adventures to come for these 4 chickas and their kids I'm sure.

A few pics: These were mostly from after we got off the raft!

Thank God we are all home safe! I will not try this again until Maddy is a bit older, I have a better raft, and we check the weather!

My Sister's Keeper

Tonight I went with the girls to go see the movie My Sister's Keeper. I knew that it was going to be really sad but it looked so good and I wanted to see it anyways. Well, let me just say it was REALLY REALLY sad.... And of course it made me think of Tyler. I saw myself in the Mom in the movie at times. I know this may seem weird but I only wish that I had the chance to spend that much time with Tyler even if alot of the times were hard.

I just feel so cheated... cheated out of my time with Tyler... I should have been able to mother him, watch him grow up, put him to bed at night and watch him sleep so peacefully in his crib. At the end of the movie the little girl says that she doesn't know why this happened... there wasn't a good reason..... my thoughts exactly. Sometimes I wish that someone could tell me WHY God choose to take Tyler. WHY he isn't here. But then I think, you know what? Even if someone told me why it still wouldn't be good enough... there will never be a good enough reason for why I do not have my precious son here with me in my arms...

July 4th 2009

What a day...

Today we went to a state park with Jeanna, Roni, and Charlie and let's just say the day didn't go exactly as we planned! We had planned to get to the park early, go walking on the beautiful nature trails, and then have lunch at a restaurant on the water that they have raved about for a while now. Well, we got to the park and it was SOOOOO hot, we got the kids in the stroller and were ready for our hike only to find that we had taken the wrong trail. The trail we went on was not stroller friendly and it had alot of steps and bumpy paths. Then my little Miss Independent wanted to walk and she tripped and skinned her knee which was followed by screaming-poor thing! We had to carry the kids over the steps and Matt and Roni carried the strollers down the stairs. Then we weren't sure which trail we were on or where we were going, we were all hot and so when we saw a little stream with water we decided to let the kids get in and play and then head back. Maddy and Charlie had fun in the stream at least! We took some cute pics and then headed back.

Next we went to the place on the water to eat. As soon as we sat down I was so thirsty, our waitress came and got our drink orders, I look down and there is a roach looking right at me!!! ICK!!!! OK, now anyone who knows me knows that I am terrified of roaches!!!! I would rather come face to face with a snake,e spider, anything just not a roach! So I flipped out a little and said I wasn't eating there. I know it was just 1 roach but still! So we left drover for what seemed like forever to another seafood place on the water and ate lunch. This place was pretty good, Matt loved it because he loves seafood and Jeanna and I took Mad's and Charlie down to the water and saw two manatee's! They were so cute and were right up close to the dock! Although I cant say the day was a success it was still nice to get out of the house and spend time with Matt, Maddy, and friends!