Butterfly kisses from Heaven

Tonight I want to the Infant Loss support group meeting with my friend Beth. Every year at Christmas time they have a special meeting where we make ornaments and light candles in memory of our angels. Beth and I have made it a tradition to go together and we usually go to eat dinner before the meeting. It was so nice to have a night that was all about Tyler and her daughter Sarah and the angels of the other families there.

The thing that is so sad about these meetings is every time there is someone new there that has lost a child. Many people there are at different stages in their grief. Some of the mothers had just recently lost their child and as I watched them I remembered how I was at that point in my grief. It took me back to those really hard days right after loosing Tyler that I couldn't even get out of the bed. I feel like I have come a long way with my grief although it is not something that EVER goes away. I think of Tyler every SINGLE day but in ways it has become easier to live with. I am now able to think of Tyler at times and smile and not always be sad when I think of him. I can smile when I remember how happy we were the day we found out that we were pregnant, and how it felt to hold his precious little hand in mine.

The holidays are always so hard though. Everyone is happy and enjoying the season and I cant help but thinking about Tyler and how our life would be like if he and Maddy were both here this year. I know that he is watching over us from Heaven and this year he will be able to spend it with Grandpa Ford too. Missing them both soooo much!