Halloween Doors & More

Last weekend Bek and I took the kids to Halloween Doors and More. It is this awesome event that Community PedsCare puts on every year for their patients and families. It's also a fundraising event. Community PedsCare is a pediatric palliative and hospice program for children with life-limiting and life-threatening conditions. My uncle Steve works here. I dont know how he does it, going to work every day and seeing children who are very sick. It takes a very special person to be in that line of work and Steve is so wonderful at it! Last year was our first year going and we loved it! Because we were involved with PedsCare from the beginning of Tyler's diagnosis through his birth and beyond we were invited to go and take the kids.

They had a blast! They have different stations set up and you go to each station and get a treat/toy. They have tons of characters dressed up. Maddy was in love with the Clown fish and the lobster!!!! And Shrek! She would have just sat and watched them all night if I let her! Silly girl! They also had a root beer float area and Candyland where they have oodles of candy and you get to fill a bag up with candy! Maddy was a huge fan of the mini M&M's! A toy factory where they go through and get a cute teddy bear at the end. Wonderful food and shows/performances throught the night. It's amazing!

I have to say that one of the best parts of my night was when we stopped and talked to Steve and he introduced us to another employee, a doctor with PedsCare. He told him about Tyler and how we were the first ones to work with PedsCare in a situion like this and the doctor said that this was something that was very important to them. It makes me so happy when people want to remember and talk about Tyler and I am so thankful that Tyler's life and story have paved the way for other families who are going through similar things. In Tyler's short life here on earth he has already impacted so many!

Homestead

We went to dinner tonight at a restaurant called the Homestead with Bek, Eddie, and the boys. This building has been around since the 1930's when it was a boarding house and is said to be haunted. Many people supposedly have seen the ghost of the lady who was the origional owner, creepy! Anyways, it was so good! It's home cooking like fried chicken and cream peas, yum. Since it was such a nice night out we ate outside on the deck. We were the only ones out there and they had big moss trees and lights strung from them. Just a good night. The last time I ate here was about 2 years ago when I was pregnant with Tyler. I remember we came with Jeanna and Roni and I was so excited to finally be pregnant! Right after we ate and walked to the car I got sick though. I remember that I didn't even care I was just so happy to be pregnant! = ) Thinking of memories from my pregnancy and the time I had with Tyler make me smile. Because of him my life will never be the same and I thank God for letting me carry him for the time I was able to. He will always be my son and I will see him again one day.

Thoughts and ramblings

Haven't blogged this past week, just been feeling kinda down. Missing Tyler. We went to the Walk to Remember last weekend and it's always such a great event and I love going but it does bring up lots of memories. I like recalling memories, and the precious moments we spent with Tyler while I was pregnant and after he was born but it's still hard. Plus the holidays are coming up soon and it's always a hard time for me as well. Always thinking of what "should have been." Of course I am sooooo thankful and blessed to have Maddy. I look forward to spending every single day with her, she's the reason I get up in the morning, she's such an amazing blessing but there will always be a part of our family that is missing until we are all with Tyler again one day. Missing you baby boy!

Walk to Remember

Make a Smilebox slideshow

Sunday was the annual Walk to Remember downtown. We have gone every year since we lost Tyler and we love going. It's nice to have things throughout the year to go to remember and honor our little boy. We have so many friends and family that come with us and it means so much that they want to remember with us! The walk is in downtown right on the riverwalk.

We got there and said hello to a friend of mine who also lost her little girl Sarah Rae. She also has a little boy who is very close in age with Maddy. Then we went to get balloons to sign and to sign the memory banners.
Writing my letter to Tyler was emotional like it always is, I miss him so much and it seems like so long ago that I held him in my arms that day at the hospital. Next a lady spoke about how the walk began and why it was started. As a way to remember our babies. Then Sharon a chaplain with PedsCare- read a poem called the Invisible Cord. What a beautiful poem!

We are connected,
My child and I,
By an invisible cord,
Not seen by the eye.

It's not like the cord
That connects us 'til birth
This cord can't be seen
By any on earth.

This cord does its work
Right from the start.
It binds us together
Attached to my heart.

I know that it's there
Though no one can see
The invisible cord
From my child to me.

The strength of this cord
Man could create
It withstands the test
Can hold any weight.

And though you are gone,
Though you're not here with me,
The cord is still there
But no one can see.

It pulls at my heart
I am bruised…. I am sore,
But this cord is my lifeline
As never before.

I am thankful that God
Connects us this way
A mother and child
Death can't take away!

After that we began the walk down the riverfront. It's only about a quarter mile and ends at a big opening with steps and a place you can sit along the water. They took a group picture and then played the updated version of the song Somewhere Over The Rainbow as we released out balloons. Maddy thought it was so neat to watch then go and she reached for the balloons as they floated above! We then headed back and stopped by the water again to throw our flowers that they give out in the river. I had Maddy sit in my lap and throw them one at a time each time she threw one she would laugh! Then she decided it would be fun to throw her paci over too! Oops!!!It was a beautiful day and I cant wait to go next year! Tyler, I hope you caught all your balloons little buddy!!!! Love you soooo much!

A Day at the Farm

Yesterday we went to Conner's Amazing Acres Farm and Corn Maze. We went for the first time last year and now we are going to make it a family tradition and go every year! We went for Old-Fashioned Day this year and they had where you could make your own bread, butter churning, and a lady who made dolls out of corn husks! They were so cute! My mom got a girl doll for Maddy and a boy doll for Tyler to place at the cemetery when we go to decorate it for Fall! Here's a picture of the corn husk dolls!


When we first got there we did the Corn Maze, it was already H-O-T and we decided it would be best to do that first before it got even hotter. It was in the mid 90's! Ick!!! I am so ready for it to cool off here!!!! Anyways, we got lost in the Corn Maze it was really hard! But finally kinda cheated and found our way out! Then we went on the Cow Train. it's a little ride for the kids that has bucket seats painted like cows and a tractor takes you on a ride and pulls you around. Maddy thought this was so much fun although she was very antsy waiting for it to get started!

Next we went to the Barn, this was Maddy's favorite thing today I think, she LOVED seeing all the animals. There were ducks- her favorite, pics, a cow, tons of chickens, baby chicks, goats and 2 baby goats who were sooo adorable!!! We also took the kids in the huge bucket of corn kernels!!
Everyone was starting to get hungry so we got lunch, they have the absolute best BBQ pulled pork sandwiches with homemade BBQ sauce. Oh it was so good! After lunch Maddy was pretty tired out so she took a little nap in her stroller while the boys went to all the old fashioned booths to do the activities. Once she got up we went over to the kid's play area, it had a little playground, a huge sand hill, ride on tractors, etc. They even had a pink and purple girls tractor!

Our last stop of the day was to the Pumpkin Patch! Maddy wandered all around checking out the pumpkins and picked up the cutest little pumpkin, we bought it to take for Tyler too! After that we got in the car and headed home! We had such a fun relaxing day the only thing was I wish it felt like Fall and was cooler! The farm and stuff will be open until the end of November so we may go back again once it cools down!

Grandpa's Memorial

My friend Kelli offered to take pictures at Grandpa's service for us and I am so glad that she did. Since my Grandpa was a Chief in the Navy he received full honors at his service. I had never been to a service like this before and it was so moving. It gave me goosebumps to watch the men doing the 21 gun salute and just the whole ceremony. The service was at Bethlehem the church that our family has been going to since before I was born and our Pastor who is now retired Pastor Buchheimer and Pastor Dana performed the service. It was a beautiful service and afterwards the church had a meal. This was a time for friends and family to come together. This was really nice because one of the times that Grandpa was in the hospital recently ha said he wanted a "Celebration of Life" not a funeral. After this we went to the cemetery for the graveside service. Here is a slideshow I made to email to the family and friends that were unable to attend.

Make a Smilebox slideshow

Zoo trip and rain puddles!

Well, this week has been not too good to say the least. Monday was Grandpa's funeral service and although it was a beautiful and moving service I still feel such sadness that he is not here. I am going to post more about the service after I get some of the pics a friend of mine took of the Honor Guard who did the 21 gun salute. Tuesday I had to work. I was subbing for a Kindergarten class and they were terrible!!!! One kid couldn't sit still ALL DAY, one kid got sick, and another boy decided to stick wads of toilet paper down the toilet in the hallway to try and flood it! Oh boy! Not a good day! So needless to say I was definitely looking forward to spending the day with Maddy today and some friends. My friend Diana is in town this week and we made plans to go to the Zoo with the kids. She has a little boy who is only a month older than Maddy!

Maddy really enjoyed the Zoo, now that she is older she really gets into each animal. For the first few exhibits she could start to cry/fuss each time we left to move on the the next animal. Finally she realized that we weren't leaving just moving to the next thing! Of course her favorite thing today was the giraffe's because we got to feed them. Sher thought this was so funny! Each time we would reach out the lettuce leaf to feed the giraffe she would just squeal and laugh and her eyes would get so big! It's cool how they stick out their LONG tongues to get the food!

She also really liked the big fish exhibit she kept waving to the fish and blowing them kisses! I wish that I had my video camera with me today! As we were walking to another exhibit Maddy found some rain puddles and of had to run straight through them! As soon as I saw the rain puddles I thought of Grandpa and how he used to always take me jumping through the rain puddles when I was little. So I had Kelli take some pics! I have to say that it really made me sad thinking of Grandpa, it's so weird how people expert you to just go about things like normal right after you have lost someone that you love so much. He was on my mind alot today.

We saw lots of different animals and then went and got something little to eat, I had funnel cake, yummy! Then we went to the gift shop where Maddy got some glittery bugs and a slimy frog toy and headed over to the train. It was really hot today so the train ride was a nice break! Maddy was so tired that she fell asleep in her stroller on the train ride!

One sheet is not enough

So today I went with my Mom, Dad, and Grandma to meet with our Pastor Dana. He wanted to meet with some of the family to talk about Grandpa and what type of man he was, to share memories and feelings for the service. So we sat down and Pastor had one sheet of paper in front of him and a pen. At first I wondered what it was for. We began talking about Grandpa and as we told him about things he wrote a few notes on the sheet. While he was writing I was thinking to myself, "How in the world is he going to fit ALL the wonderful things about my Grandpa on a single sheet of paper?" Grandpa is more than just a sheet of memories on paper.

He is the glue of the family, the one who always made sure that family came first, he is the one who taught me how to drive, the one who took me splashing in the mud puddles and made me "drippy eggs", the one who let me jump on the bed when I stayed the night and took me swimming in the pool when it was still way to cold to go swimming! The one who always snuck me a lick of icing before the cake was cut and made me cheese houses! The one who always had time for me when I came over, it didn't matter what he was doing when the Grandkids came over he stopped what he was doing and just spent time with us. No, a single sheet of paper is not enough! Not even close! A whole BOOK is not even enough! My Grandpa was such an amazing man that no-one can ever truly know the depth of this unless they knew him. Missing you so much Grandpa, give Tyler a kiss for me!