So we just got back home yesterday from our trip to Orlando. We went to the Aquatica water park and then Rainforest Cafe, Downtown Disney, and shopping at the Outlet Mall. It was a short trip but still so much fun and nice to get away for a couple days! Just feeling sad today and wanted to write. So many times writing really seems to help, I feel better when I get my thoughts on paper- well actually I guess it's on computer here!
I wonder if I will ever go on a trip where I don't think to myself, "I wonder what it would be like if Tyler were here? I wish that our little boy was here too." I don't know maybe I will never go on a trip without thinking that and you know... if I don't stop thinking it that's ok because I love thinking about Tyler. I just wish that maybe one day when I think of Tyler I can think of him with total happiness and not a mixture of happy and sad like I do now. Is that unrealistic? Maybe. Because I know that I will NEVER stop wishing that he was here with us. I hear and read about many mom's who say, "I know that our child is in a better place and he's lucky to not have to know the bad things of our world." But I am not at that point in my grieving that I can say this and I don't know that I ever will be.
So, while we were in Downtown Disney I went to the toddler/kids clothing section and was looking at clothes for Maddy and I couldn't help but go over to the little boys section to look around for a few minutes. I knew that I probably shouldn't it would just make me upset but I couldn't help myself. I went over and looked at the cute things thinking, "Oh, Tyler would look so cute in this." Then I began to feel my eyes filling up and knew I needed to leave. Next, I was at the restaurant and heard a mother calling her son and yep, his name was Tyler. It's still so hard, it's been a little over 2 years now and I still have days where it is still SO hard. Missing you Tyler.
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