Yesterday was hard...

So yesterday was a hard day for me. Some days I just have harder than others. First I was at work and a little boy in the class I was subbing for was named Tyler. This made me so sad to think that I will never see Tyler at this age.

Then we went to visit Tyler and Matt went up to see if they had gotten the green paint off of his marker- which they hadn't yet. It just little green chips but still!!!!! Matt was furious! He went into the management office and told the guy, "I normally wouldn't complain but this is my SON we are talking about and I want it fixed now!!!" So the guy came out, apologized alot and said they will have it done by tomorrow. While Maddy was waiting in the car waiting with me she saw Matt and the guy looking at Tyler's marker and wanted to get out, she was excited to get out of the car. I don't know how this made me feel but it got me thinking alot.

I am definitely happy that she likes to come out with us and visit Tyler but I am still afraid of the questions that will come when she gets older about her big brother. What if she asks me why God would take her brother away? I have no idea how to answer that. Because I don't even know and I don't think I ever will. What if she is mad at me because I couldn't keep her brother safe? I couldn't save him. I know there is nothing that could be done but I still feel guilty as a Mom that I couldn't save him, I am his mom and there was nothing I could do to change things and make him better. Also Matt and I don't know if we are even going to have any more children or not, what if Maddy feels sad because she will never have a sibling here on Earth with her? I have too much on my mind today. Its been a rough week already and it's only Wednesday.