The Secret Garden meeting

This month at the Secret Garden, we are talking about our babies bedrooms and their belongings. This is a place kinda like an online support group for parents who lost a child to participate in each month.

If you created a bedroom for your baby tell us what it was like.
We didn't have the chance to decorate Tyler's nursery before he was born because he was born at 20 weeks. We were just beginning to think about what we wanted the nursery to look like and we didn't even know if we were having a boy or a girl yet! Although when looking at baby things I was always drawn towards the boy stuff. We were so excited though and I did begin buying a few things. I have always loved Pottery Barn and this is the boys nursery that I really liked. It just seemed so simple and nice.
Matt was really liking the Snoopy decor for a little boy and I remember before I even found out what I was pregnant- during our wait to see if IVF worked Matt called me into the computer room to show me a Snoopy set that he found and liked. I had no idea he was in the computer room looking at nursery stuff! I thought it was so sweet! I wasn't sure if I wanted a character theme though but a little while later while shopping at Burlington Coat factory I saw this little Snoopy blanket and just had to buy it for Matt.
If so how did you cope coming home to it without your baby?Did you pack it all away?
In a way I think it was probably good that we hadn't really started anything big in the nursery because that would have been so incredibly hard to come home to. But I did have quite a collection of things that I had bought so far and they were all in the room that was going to be the nursery. I had a bouncer, clothes, toys, breast pump, etc. and while in the hospital I asked my Mom to go to the house and move the stuff out of the house for the time being. I just knew that I couldn't handle it at that point. So it was all packed away until I was ready to deal with it. I ended up giving most of it away a few weeks later to the Women's Center and some families at church that were in need. Actually my mom did that for me too, gosh what would I have done without my mom???

The rest of the things I went through a little later and choose a few items to keep like the blue baby rattle that my sister and her family got for us when they went to Disney, my favorite pregnancy shirt that I wore all the time with Tyler, the pregnancy journal tha I had started, a baby's sleeping sign for the door, the Snoopy blanket, a onesie with dogs on it that I found and loved, a Snoopy onesie, a sign that my friend Kelli got me when I was pregnant that says "heaven sent." Two frames that I had for the ultrasound picture, one from a friend at work and one that I bought, some baby books that I bought for the baby, one about Daddy and Me, one to record my pregnancy and read to the baby later, and one title My Little Miracle, and a porcelain sign that read For This Child I Prayed and a few other items.

What is your baby's room now? If you are trying to conceive again, or are pregnant again how do you feel about setting up another room before your baby is born?
Since loosing Tyler we have been blessed with our precious little girl Maddy. She is now in the room that would have been Tyler's. At first I felt really weird about this. For so long it was "Tyler's Room." And I would go into that empty room sometimes and just lay on the floor and cry. It was so hard thinking about all the should have beens. When we found out that Maddy was on her way we decided that her nursery would be in this room. The other extra room get's warmer during the day from the sun and isn't as close. Matt and I have both said that Tyler had a part in bringing Maddy into our lives and I know that he wouldn't be mad that Maddy is in this room now. Yes, for a while I wondered about this and talked about it with my mom and Matt and friends and came to terms with it.

With our pregnancy with Maddy we didn't begin decorating until very late in the pregnancy. I just didn't feel comfortable doing that. I was afraid that I would jinx it although I know that is silly. We didn't order the furniture until the last minute but I did begin buying the other things so that everything was there and when I felt ready all we would have to do is spend a few days putting it together. After our 20 week ultrasound I began to relax a little more and decided that I wanted our little girl to have a beautiful room to come home to, luckily it was done in time for her arrival, although just barely because she came early! I decided that nothing I did was going to change what happened or the outcome and I wanted to enojy every moment that I had with Maddy during my pregnancy.

Missing you like crazy today Tyler. Love you and your sister with all my heart! And Daddy!